the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
