Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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