She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
