hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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