I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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