You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Nicole vs. Life
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize