Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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