toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
