so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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