I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
