no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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