you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
