if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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