Swine flu. Run for my life!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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