hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
