I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
