Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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