Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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