True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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