Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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