why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
