Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
