i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
