new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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