my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
