I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
