He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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