we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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