dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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