3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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