So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
