Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
