and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
