I just saw a hot homeless man
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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