There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
