she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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