turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
