I got chris browned last night
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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