I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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