ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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