listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dear god my vagina.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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