Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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