we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize