R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
