Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
