Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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