Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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