If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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