Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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