Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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