i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
