I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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