I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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