Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
