It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
