So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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