Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
