The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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