"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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