We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
