NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize