my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
