i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
