I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
