I smell stomach acid.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
