You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize