I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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