Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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