apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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